I know I've written in this journal only yesterdat but I felt like writting again today. Here I am sitting in the same chair and listening to the same song I spoke about last night. Dublin Sky. It's so beautiful but at the same time amazingly painful. So full of regret. You can find this song in Darren Hayes latest album called The Tension & The Spark. I totally treasure this album.

Here are the lyrics to this wonderful song...

DUBLIN SKY
Darren Hayes

I’VE BEEN DOWN A LONELY STREET TONIGHT
AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME
I DON’T KNOW WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME
BUT CLOUDS COVER UP A DUBLIN SKY
AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT’S LEFT OF ME
I DON’T KNOW WHAT’S RIGHT WITH ME
AND I TRIED TO KEEP MY DISTANCE
AND I’VE SUNG AMAZING GRACE
I’VE TARNISHED ALL OUR MEMORIES
BUT THERE’LL ALWAYS BE A TRACE OF YOU
OF YOU

I REMEMBER LAUGHING ON THAT RIVER’S EDGE
TRYING TO GET YOU TO JUMP WITH ME
TRYING TO GET YOU TO FALL FOR ME
AND YOUR TREMBLING HEART IT BEAT SO FAST
HOLDING HANDS YOU PROMISED ME
HOLDING HANDS WE COUNTED TO THREE
AND I FELT YOUR SLIPPING FINGERS
AND I SAW YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND
IF I HADN’T DRAGGED YOU IN WITH ME
YOU WOULD HAVE LET ME DIVE WITHOUT YOU

WITHOUT YOU

YEAH THEY SENT YOU ALL THE WAY FROM HOLLYWOOD
AND MAYBE THAT DUBLIN SKY WAS CHANGING YOU
IT PUT DIAMONDS IN YOUR EYES
I ALWAYS THOUGHT WE WERE GONNA MAKE IT THROUGH
BUT I WANTED TO HEAR IT FIRST FROM YOU

NOW HOW MANY DAYS AM I GONNA REGRET YOU?
HOW MANY NIGHTS UNTIL I FORGET YOU?
HAVE I BEEN WASTING ALL THOSE YEARS
HELD DOWN BY THESE TEARS
HOW MANY DREAMS HAVE I LEFT DESERTED?
HOW MANY HOPES HAVE BEEN DIVERTED?
HAVE I BEEN BURIED IN THE DIRT
HELD DOWN BY THIS HURT
AND HOW MANY LOWS DID I LET YOU HIGHJACK
HOW MANY WAYS CAN I STUDY THE PLAYBACK
HOW DID I END UP LYING HERE
CRYING UNDERNEATH A DUBLIN SKY?
HOW MANY DAYS AM I GONNA REGRET YOU?
HOW MANY NIGHTS UNITL I FORGET YOU?
HAVE I BEEN WASTING ALL THESE YEARS?
DROWNING IN MY TEARS?
HOW MANY NIGHTS AM I GONNA REGRET YOU?
HOW MANY DAYS UNTIL I FORGET YOU?
HAVE I BEEN WASTING ALL THESE YEARS
DROWNING IN MY TEARS?

Aren't these lyrics breath taking...??

Last night I was feeling so good about myself and about other people in general. I was at my Body Combat and Body Balance classes and the Body Balance one was so relaxing and beautiful. I felt myself connecting to the music and to the other people in the room. I was so at peace...and it was in some way a weird feeling because I rarely feel like that...

But this morning, as soon as I woke up I knew this would be a hard day. My head aches. I feel tired and emotionally drained. I don't think I can have these feelings about this person inside me anymore. It's getting harder because he doesn't even imagine the way I feel about him...and I dont want him to...it will never happen. But as far away as it seems...it also seems to get stronger everyday. I spent the day thinking about the breaf moments we have together and about our so innocent conversations about ordinary things...and I would find me smiling to myself.

The other day I read somewhere that my star sign scorpio can attract a lot of misery to his/her life...specially to his/her romantic life...and this actually makes a lot of sence. I am sure that a lot of things that are said about star signs are not true but I can tell you that some of them are.

It's weird because I feel the need of feeling loved but at the same time I don't think I can let someone love me romantically. For me it's so much easier to give than receive love. I feel this urge of showing my love to someone but I never let anyone love me back... It's confusing, I know... I find myself wondering about this so many times!! I wish I could still speak to my therapist about this. I know she would be proud of me if she knew where I am at right now.

Stay Safe!!

Purplexxx

o:)hi! beautiful journal!!! i just started mine while building my website.i cannot help but reply to your story.i feel your pain and you joy? it seems easier to give love than to receive sometimes because we somehow convince ourselves of it and i believe it stems from either a feeling of being abuse somehow or the actual fact of being abused.and then there's the fact that somedays we overcome the terrible feeling of doom and other days we feel totally uncapable of it.i use the term abuse because ther are so many types that we don't recognize it sometimes or we just don't feel like dealing with it.to finish my point of giving instead of receiving,i feel you need to allow yourself to be loved.it is a gift which has to be accepted but first we must love ourself enough to allow someone else to love us and realize the roller coaster of life's ups and downs are just that(life's ups and downs)all of this is much easier said than done.i still deal with it daily(ONE DAY AT A TIME).to help you(hopefully)know i understand,i am sending you something i wrote awhile back when i realized i was so confused and felt so alone.i hope you don't mind............
waste my life away

at my creation,i was something
what is that something Lord,
that you want me to be?
am i something or someone?
oh God!i don't understand!
but this something or someone
now is willing to stand.
i look and i listen Lord,
i see life passing me by
i cannot seem to comprehend,
what it's all about.
i want to get somewhere
in this life,
i want to be something.
i want to do some kind of good deed,
i want to help someone.
i don't want to waste my life away,
i don't want to let it pass me by.
i don't want to know not who i am,
i just want to know how and why.
waste my life away
waste my life away
waste my life away
i don't want to waste my life away!

this is much better with music but if it touches you at all,then i'll be happy.

love that poem... really makes sense.

I really like the lyrics to Dublin Sky!

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